It’s Not About You
So I rolled my ankle last night. Completely and 100% sober in case you were wondering. I subbed out my early morning class for my friend’s birthday, but was still committed to teaching my second class. Here I am @ 7:30 PM, convincing myself that it’s a normal little sprain, carrying around my 20-pound Gucci boot on my noodle of an ankle for 4 more hours, hoping that a good night’s rest will be all it needs.
I wake up @ 3:30 AM from the aching and am finding the best way to position my leg so that it throbs the least. I think maybe the next two hours of sleep will do the trick. My alarm rings @ 5:30 AM, and I know it was all a lie, and I wonder how in the hell I’m supposed to demo jumping jacks or even walk to my car. I wince my way down the stairs, too tired and too frustrated to find my tape to wrap it, so I just drive. While I’m driving, I am on some next-level affirmation mind games, repeating to myself “I am so healthy,” “My ankle is healed,” and “My ankle feels amazing!” I get to the studio, and I start to think about what I’m going to tell my students. I’m thinking—maybe I should open with it, or use it as my theme, or break the news to them during cardio. Then something inside of me clicked, and I remembered that it’s not about me. This class and the space that I am cultivating are for them. I’m not going to take this pocket of their morning, possibly the only moment that they will take for themselves out of the next 24 hours, to make it about me. I forget that, as a sensitive person with people-pleasing tendencies, it’s not that serious, and sometimes it’s just not about you.
So I didn’t tell my students, although a few of them asked how I was doing. So I shared with them honestly and openly that I rolled my ankle, but was doing pretty okay aside from that! I didn’t even really want to tell my friends or the birthday girl because I didn’t want to pull attention away from the celebration, but one of my friends told everyone for me, and that was that! I think sometimes we get too caught up in being the main character of our own lives that we forget that we are also a part of the collective. So if you also struggle with attention-seeking and people-pleasing, this is a list of situations where it is really not about you.
1. Someone’s birthday or other celebration centered on them (not you)
You should be on time, or only fashionably late. If you’re bringing a gift, it should be about them, something that they like, and not an inconvenience to them or the party. If there’s a theme, be on theme, but don’t upstage the star of the night. If you’re doing an activity that you don’t like but that the star of the night LOVES, you have to get your ass up and participate. Don’t start drama, don’t bring your new girlfriend, don’t take up more space than you should. If someone asks you a question that would ruin the vibes if you answered honestly, THEN LIE to sugarcoat your answer. Help with the hosting if needed, or talk to the friend who knows no one else but the birthday girl. Have fun, of course, but remember it’s not about you.
2. Hosting, Facilitating, or Teaching
People are there for an experience; to spend time with you or to learn something. I rarely drink, but it would be rude of me not to have wine or seltzers for a gathering that I am hosting. My mom’s side raised us on the sugar-free version of everything, but what am I going to do? Have no dessert for my party? No, I have to let them eat cake! Back to my rolled ankle, I can share moments of my life with my students, but ultimately, they are there for a service and a workout; they don’t and shouldn’t know everything about me. If I am facilitating a workshop, I am not trying to make my own soul collage card or spend too much time on my own introduction; you need to get the information out and then let them have the experience. These things have everything to do with your energy and vibes, but it’s ultimately not about you.
3. Driving and public spaces
Signal! Signal! Signal! You have to remember that you are not the only person in a rush to get somewhere, so be courteous. Also, if you are making an unprotected left turn and you are in the street, you should know the person behind you is also trying to make it before the red, so GO! On the flip side, if you see someone doing something reckless or dumb, be honest, remember that you have bad days and dumb days where you think “I don’t normally do this but…” and then proceed to make the most unsafe driving decision. Moving on, if you have kids, DON’T bring them to a place where kids should not be (I’ll make a separate post with a list). If you are in line and the person behind you has 1 item and you have 20, ask them if they only have the 1 item, and then let them go ahead of you if they say yes. Try your very best to return the shopping cart. Oh, you sprained your ankle? I know walking is annoying sometimes, but sorry, it’s not about you! If you are at a place where sweat is involved and you know you are a sweaty person, then clean it up! Pretend like you are at your house, and YOU would have to clean up after whatever YOU left behind. We all participate, we all have bad days, but let’s also take care of each other. Let’s slow down and remember that we move through this world together more than we think. It cant’t just be about you all the time.
I could go on for hours about all of these things. Ask my friends, they know! I just think everyone should make their best effort to practice a little bit more generosity and self-awareness. It’s liberating, let me know if you try it! Or if you already practice some of these things.
