We Should Get Coffee Soon
I think that your friends should want to be active participants in your life. Sure, people are busy, people are depressed, there is a lot of inner turmoil that translates to friends not showing up or ghosting you, but platonic love has its limits, too. I think it’s fair to say that I have made friends that I now know I will have for a lifetime.
So we all have our seasons. My best friend is married now (and has been for almost two years). Our relationship is always evolving with the different responsibilities that arise in our lives, but I can also get him to sit down with my mom and me on a random Wednesday for a quick lunch and feel filled with pride for our ability to show up for each other. We have both seen each other at the lowest and highest points. Sometimes we don’t see each other for weeks or months, and on some days, he picks up my phone call on the first ring. Apparently, with how our brains are wired, we only have the capacity to maintain close relationships with 5 people at a time. I like to be an overachiever, but I also don’t expect to have that level of friendship with everyone. And I also can’t be that close with everyone because then someone will sell my secrets to TMZ when I’m famous.
We’ve all had one-sided friendships; we’ve all had an awakening when we realize that we are rooting for someone who couldn’t care about rooting for us. Even them wanting to root against you would be better than nothing, but that would be too much to ask. It’s not personal; we all have things that we have to contend with that affect how we show up for other people. Because usually, when we can’t show up for others, it’s because we’re not showing up for ourselves.
I will drive hours to see my friends, and I will get lost in Malibu for an hour on my way home, spending money I shouldn’t be spending for the love of friendship. Why? Because we show up for each other. I am at a stage in my life where I can’t invest energy in relationships with people who are careless with the connection. We are all human, and usually the harshest and most reckless with the people we know love us. I still think more people need to put their foot down when dealing with a bad friend.
It’s taken me a while to get comfortable making new friends, revisiting old ones, and strengthening current friendships, and now that I’m out of hermit mode, I’m trying to be super intentional. So if I tell you I want to see you, just know it’s real. If I come outside after 7 pm, just know it’s real. If I give you a little tough love or set up a boundary, just know it’s real. And I drift away, it’s probably not me, it’s you :)
Leave any complaints in the comments…
